Fall retail Saturday.  Mayhem with a dash of football game anticipation.  Today was no different.  It had been raining most of the day.  It was the local university’s homecoming, and UT was playing their arch nemesis Florida.  I had been on the clock for less than an hour and pushed in carts for the second time when the phone rang.

(Note:  The conversation has been edited to exclude names other than the girl who called.  Due to her special brand of stupid, and since I don’t know her last name, who she is, where she lives, etc….I don’t mind using her name.)

Me:  “Thank you for calling ______.  How may I assist you?”
Her:  “Uhm.  This is Allie.  I’m sick and won’t be able to make my shift from 4 to close.”
Me:  “Allie.  I don’t think I’ve met you.  Are you a cashier?”
Allie:  “Yeah.  It’s supposed to be my first day but I’m sick.”
Me:  “Since you’re calling out for your first shift, you’ll need to bring a note from the doctor before you can come in for your first shift.”
Allie:  “Why are you being so rude?  I’m sick.  I don’t need to go to a doctor.  I don’t like your tone.  You’re being rude.”
Me:  “I’d be happy to let you talk to ________ (my supervisor).  Just hold on.”

I put her on hold, find my supervisor and briefly explain the situation.  She takes the phone, picks up the line, and the conversation continues.

Supervisor:  “Allie??  So you aren’t coming in for your shift?  Will you make it for your shift tomorrow?”

At this point I didn’t hear Allie’s end of the conversation, only my supervisor.  When she told Allie that she would talk with the store manager about her absence apparently Allie was more concerned that there be a conversation about my rudeness and that I be fired.  It was ridiculous, and my supervisor and I both agreed we were sort of looking forward to meeting this new hire when she finally decided to grace us with her presence.

Only a few moments later, the store manager came back in from lunch.  We told him that Allie would not be in for her shift, assuming she was one of the new hires going into holiday.  He had never heard of her either.  No one named Allie works for us.  Wondering if one of the two other local stores might have hired her, my store manager starts making phone calls.  One store had interviewed someone with a middle name that could possibly have resulted in “Allie”.  The other store recently had a young lady show up at their store for an interview with an entirely different retailer.  <<–  OOPS.  Our current hypothesis is that she was hired by that retailer, but having been careless enough to show up at the wrong store for an interview, she called the wrong store to notify of her sickness.

Alternately, and this would be WAY more fun, she just might show up for her shift tomorrow.  We’ve already decided that she might be the only person to be fired before they were hired.

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